Zen and the Art of I Dunno. Cooking, I Guess

First things first.

I know nothing about Zen and even less about cooking. What I do know is that I have this nagging feeling that this blog will rapidly become a disappointment to anyone who came for sociopolitical musings, and stayed for depressing introspection. While I did always intend to veer into these topics, I never wanted them to be the focus of this blog.

As I stated in my introduction, this blog has no focus. It is basically scatter-shot, borderline-coherent rambling about whatever the hell is interesting to me at the time. Since it’s noon on a Wednesday the most interesting things to me are lunch and beer, and since my boss might be reading this, I’m going to focus on lunch.

If you smell what the… wait, what is that smell? OH GOD! FIRE!!

I’m pretty sure it is readily apparently to anyone who reads this that I am, for lack of a better term, a man-child. Yes, a self-aware man-child but still a man-child nonetheless. One of the things I took for granted while dating my ex-girlfriend was that she was an excellent cook. Not Michelin-rated, but by normal human standards she was very good. And if we cut that subset down to people who would willingly date me, she was excellent.

This delayed my foray into having to cook anything for myself outside of chicken breasts (which I usually undercooked) and burgers (which I usually overcooked). I tried to make breaded chicken using textured vegetable protein once. Fire alarms. Last night, in an attempt to mimic a short-order burger, I cooked a burger on the griddle. Fire alarms.

Since my ex left, I have been trying to teach myself how to cook. Being a grown-ass man and being mostly-literate, I figure setting temperatures and following instructions shouldn’t be that hard. In fact, it really isn’t. Which is good because if I didn’t manage to make a few edible, non-poisonous meals I’d both have to turn in my 4-year-college diploma and probably starve to death out of spite for myself.

Beyond Second Degree Burns

I have effectively mastered created passable meals from curry recipes. Basically I can boil rice, brown chicken, and add veggies and sauce. Gordon Ramsay, I am not. Hell I’m not even Guy Fieri. But I can make a couple variations on this theme so that I don’t starve or eat take-out every night. My friend Lauren was even brace enough to try some and she was thankfully unharmed.

In addition to attempting to poison more of my friends, the aforementioned ex sent me a couple of other recipes to try. I am very much gravitating towards Asian cuisine for my cooking for the simple reason that a lot of what I like is sauce-based and sauce cures most, if not all, of my many culinary sins.

The unfortunate downside of trolling food websites is A. unrealistic expectations and B. the proverbial rabbit’s hole that is baking. Literally all the best foods in the world are baked: pies, cakes, cookies, pizza (which I assume is the pluralized form of pizza), donuts, roasted potatoes. Dammit, now I’m hungry.

Appetite for Delusion

So that’s about all I have to say on that. I have leftover curry I need to reheat and eat now. If you have any easy recipes I should try, let me know. Keep in mind that I am still pretty inept.

At cooking and blogging.