So this is what I’ve decided to write about while avoiding both of the pieces I’m (supposedly) going to get paid for, and/or avoiding writing about the soul-crushing, mind-encompassing thoughts I have about my ex after this past weekend. So yeah, beer and video games… let’s unwind.
Oh, fuck you, universe.
Look, as far as inconsequential paramecia clinging to this stupid blue planet, hurtling through space go, I feel like I don’t ask for a lot. I really only ask to be able to drink beer and play video games, but fuck it all if the first week in a long-ass time where I actually needed to escape reality that shit hits the fucking fan with both.
Let’s start with beer. And by start, remember that I mean all of this ultimately boils down to a distraction that keeps me from thinking about, you know, shit that actually matters.
So… at some point before I started writing this, the dude from Pretty Things – a brewery based out of Cambridge, MA – got on Twitter and started calling out bars that were accepting bribes to keep certain beers on tap. Dann specifically mentioned Bukowski’s – which I’ve always thought was a shady operation, despite having no proof beyond shit-poor service – and Lower Depths (which is a bar I like; they’re owned by the same dude). Naturally the owner-guy of these bar wasn’t pleased about this and called out PT as an “inferior” product that was “cost prohibitive” to serve in his bar citing that competitors’ kegs ran from $90-170 and PT’s were $200.
I’m calling all kinds of bullshit on $90 kegs of anything but Bud Light and MAYBE Sam Adams. Here’s a little math I’m going to throw at you, but it’s relevant for this discussion: a keg is 12.7 gallons or roughly 1984 fl. oz. If you’re pouring 12oz that’s 165 beers; if you’re pouring a standard 16oz that’s 124 beers. Basic division will tell you that $30/124 is less than $0.25 per glass. So this “cost prohibitive” stuff is bullshit. When you’re paying $7 for a beer, $7.25 is not cost prohibitive. Now you can argue until the cows come home as to whether or not Pretty Things is “inferior” to its competitors but at $0.25 difference per glass, it’s an irrelevant argument (as all subjective arguments tend to be).
Regardless, people are pitching their collective shit-fits and it normally would roll like water off my duck-like ass, but I happen to be writing a piece on the best Boston beer bars and two of the bars implicated are on my list (one by reputation and one that I think actually deserves the spot). A younger, more giving-a-shit version of me would pretty fucking torn about what to do about this. At this point, though, I don’t give a shit. Those bars are staying on the lists, because lists like this are horseshit anyway and people will just go to fucking Yelp anyway.
So even now that I’ve excused myself enough to crack a beer, I still can’t play my fucking video games. Because Jesus-Fuck, white guys. I can’t believe I live in a world where it needs to be said that “I’m going to rape and murder you” is an unacceptable response to an opinion you disagree with. Look if you want to get into the subtle nuances of GamerGate (and it is a very interesting topic), this Deadspin article is a great primer. For me, I just can’t get passed feeling fucking gross down to my core for sharing oxygen with these GamerGate trolls.
I’m too exhausted to even spew my usual vitriol at these troglodytes. There is no hope for this world or its shitty people. And I still miss my ex.